Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
this boner is exhausting
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
