There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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