my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Randomize
