My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
