After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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