If you die in college, do you die in real life?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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