I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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