i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
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It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
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He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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