Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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