Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
