Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
