there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
