Just fell off a train. Bad.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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