We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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