If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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