i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
