no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
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he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
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I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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