That's when you crack a 10am beer
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
