I wish my penis had an off switch
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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