youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
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She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
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DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.