He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
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Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.