First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I cut my penus on the lid.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day