oh god the rape fog is back!
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star