There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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