I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I want a musical about memes.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
