see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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