We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
