3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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