"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
