come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Randomize
