I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
