Capitaan dildo arrescate!
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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