So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
