i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
