he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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