I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
