All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
as a side note pls kill me
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
