I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
