I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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