I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
