what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We left the knife in your bed.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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