it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
