Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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