dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
