What a fucking waste of an outfit
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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