i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
