i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
