Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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