I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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