Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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