I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Why is there bacon in the couch?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
