after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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