speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
