you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
