Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He felt like a one man threesome
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
