All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Of course I have a pirate flag
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
