Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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