I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
