apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
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Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
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My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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