do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
