i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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