That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
