just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
