She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
