I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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