if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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