just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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