i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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