but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
