I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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