So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just want to make out with him forever
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
