now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
how does that bad decision feel?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
