He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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