Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
she told me i tasted like america
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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