May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize