Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
