yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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