Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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