i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize