I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just want to make out with him forever
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
