I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize