I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
