forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
