You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
well you can't waste a boner
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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