she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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