Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
