i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
